well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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