we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
