Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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