But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
