He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
