As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
