btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
