So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize