The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We talked him into tasing himself.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
