I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone came in the potted fern
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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