pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
