so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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