i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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