it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize