Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
