I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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