You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
