That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i will never coherently bang her
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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