Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
