i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
