Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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