oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
