I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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