The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
