I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
