apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
