dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
