i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize