just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
