My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
