Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
