I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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