i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
