I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
