Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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