I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
