How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
