i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
