he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
