well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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