he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
