I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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