How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
