Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
