you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
