I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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