he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
