I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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