it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
