U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
