she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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