this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to calm my uterus...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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