Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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