You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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