Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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