so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize