dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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