She just used a chaser for red wine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
