Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
