i think my tv is drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
