Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
