My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
