Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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