god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
