Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
