I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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