he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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