5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
