If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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