fuck your aforementioned shoe
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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