He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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