i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
