I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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