Barsexuality is the new black.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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