he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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