Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
