Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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