I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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