That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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