i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize