One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sober January is a disaster.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
