You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
