Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize