I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
