Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
