Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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