Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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