Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
