I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
