My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
