Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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