so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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