We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
