If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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