the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
