good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
