tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
