i can't believe i had my finger in that
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
not ubering you a puppy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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