so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize