Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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