I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
