Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
