using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize