I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would punch a child for taco bell
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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